Reclaiming attention

This month has been full with birthdays, family visits and school holiday adventures alongside the usual running of work and home. And as often happens in life, I have been feeling the opposite of full. My iron levels are low and I am managing life with a lower capacity.

As the season changes from autumn to winter we often need deeper nourishment and restorative practices, but can still be burning fast on the energy of late summer. How do you manage when you feel out of sync with what is happening around you?

My favourite practice at the moment is reclaiming my attention. I've been observing the way I interact in the digital world. And I have made several small changes (most significantly deleting social media and email from my phone) to gather my attention into focused blocks of time. Now I have particular times for computer work, reading for learning, reading for pleasure, thinking my own thoughts and a lot more time for conversation and connection in the real world.

I am also more able to focus on what feels good. I find as a parent/adult it is easy to forget to have fun and do things for joy. Days pass by in a blur of getting things done, ticking off the list of responsibilities, and planning ahead. And sometimes there just isn't the possibility for what my body would really enjoy (a two hour nap at pick up time please?)

By focusing my attention on small moments of physical ease and pleasure, I recharge in tiny increments over the day and feel so much better by the end of each week. Where can you reclaim your attention and focus this month?

The two books I'm learning from lately are The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. I have known about both these psychotherapists for a while now, so it has been wonderful to dive deeper into their work.

I identify as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and I also hate labels, so have resisted learning more about the trait. In a nutshell, about 15-20% of the population have a nervous system that is sensitive to subtleties in the environment and easily over stimulated. Obviously this has fun and useful benefits (super recognisers, detail oriented, accurate, empathetic to others emotions and more) and big drawbacks (social discomfort, overwhelm in noisy/ bright/ hot places, inability to perform tasks normally while being observed etc).

What I am enjoying about reading Elaine's book is how it normalises a lot of my daily experiences, gives practical activities to reframe the trait positively, and clarifies the difference from other types of neurodivergence such as autistic spectrum or anxiety disorders. If you, your partner or your child might be HSP please start here and consider reading the book as well.

I don't have a lot of words to describe what I have learned about healing trauma from The Body Keeps the Score. Bessel shares brutally honest stories, works so creatively with his patients and truly understands how physical and embodied healing is. It is an emotional read and has changed both the way I work and parent.

Since finishing the book I am making sure I feel safe and integrated by giving myself time for regulation, empathy and connection before I even begin to approach anyone else. His description of trauma informed care includes:

• a visceral sense of safety - emotional regulation with breathing, self awareness in mind and body
• slow safe attuned touch - a sense of your physical boundaries, of what is inside you and what is outside
• accurate mirroring - permission to feel what you feel and know what you know
• synchrony - shared rhythms, sensory integration with others

Take good care of yourself this month. I'm here to help if needed.

With Love,

Emily